is this it?
February 11, 2007This is the first time I've been to this blog since that last post. Three months is a significant amount of time, and I have no ambitions to fill in the details of those missing months here. In fact, since the third week of January I've had no ambitions–or maybe no ambitions beyond getting through each day unscathed. It's a pity because I felt as though I had started 2007 on the right footing: I felt more positive about the way this year would go, and the kind of decisions I'd make. I really wanted–and still want–to make this year a lot better than the last. There's even a month or two of 2006 that I can't even remember because I was too dazed and unhappy (or at least that's the best guess I can make as to the reason). I decided: I'm not going to go through 2007, look back and realize that I had so many regrets. Why didn't I grab X opportunity? Or why didn't I take that chance back in Y month? It seemed like it was working–the second week of January began with white water rafting in the Chico River. (Someday I'll get those photos up.)
Well, so much for resolutions.
I was talking to Dr X a couple of weeks ago, telling him that it's only now that I've realized how easy it is to crush someone's ego. I think I've crushed mine, and it hasn't gotten back to normal. So if you're wondering why I seem quiet or listless or distant or stand-offish lately, don't mind me. I'm trying to scrape myself back off from the ground.
On the bright side, I just finished my last comprehensive exam yesterday. The only thing standing between me and getting out of this rut is a hundred pages of academic twaddle. It's funny because I love philosophy so much yet I hate the way I've let it take over my life. I hate the way I seem to be so content in the daily routine of getting up and dragging myself to Ateneo that I can't think of anything else to do even though I'm unhappy being in the Ateneo in general (not with being in the department, but with the whole atmosphere of the institution). What happened to all my plans? I don't know. This time liast year I was thinking of working for an NGO if things didn't work out with the dep…
…now my only plan is to snag a job at Starbucks if the teaching thing doesn't pan out.
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